Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
