HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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