it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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