We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
