It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
