OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize