omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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