Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
