Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
