When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
