My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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