Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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