YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
