Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
