how can u be prego again
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize