i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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