Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
