i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
