At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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