SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
