my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
