god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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