the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize