is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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