Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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