i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
