they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
