I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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