God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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