my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize
