i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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