you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are all done wearing pants today
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
