That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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