so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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