I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
