please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize