she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
