You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
