I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
from now on my penis is your penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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