Fuck appropriateness.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
