Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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