Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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