I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
