i think my mom watched the whole time
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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