Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
