my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
