Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
