He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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