trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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