my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
