I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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