he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
