i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
In America we eat man semen.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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