hotel room ftw
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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