the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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