somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
