my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
