your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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