I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
