evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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