I hate your face
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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