apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
worst night to have a conscience
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
