remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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