If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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