how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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