Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize