i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
