I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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