Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
