If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
