i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize