Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
