he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
