My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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