you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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