yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
