we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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