I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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