i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
