I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
