I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
