it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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