i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
