plz talk dirty to me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
