thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
