I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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