So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
