I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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