Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
too bad you live with your parents still
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
