I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
