I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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