I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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