i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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