It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
