Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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