I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
