She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
