Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
