every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
