my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I will pee on everything he values.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
