she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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