i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
