Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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